I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
