We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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