where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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