he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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