No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
