I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
