if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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