THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
