Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
