If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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