if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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