We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
