apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
