You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
