i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
