I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
