dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
