She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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