I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize