How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize