I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
