We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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