Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
