tell your sister to shave her snatch
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
3 2 1 whiskey
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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