is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
