if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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