woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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