so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
