I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my poor anus
My life is pants optional.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
