Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
