Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
