Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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