Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
