So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
