broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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