Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
