toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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