You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
