So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
