Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
