OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i out mim tonsoeep
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