you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
