Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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