Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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