I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
