We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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