is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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