I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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