Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it because I queefed?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
