Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is the high leading the old right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
