weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
