I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
