yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
how drunk are you?
Several
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
