My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
