but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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