Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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