She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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