Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
