I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
