listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
smell my finger.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
