so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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