Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
