I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
50% drunk capacity currently
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
