I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize