She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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