please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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