my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
