Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
