The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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