Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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