You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
