Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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