its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
