so let's talk penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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